Existentialists, led by Jean Paul Sartre, believe that loneliness is the very essence of being human. Each human being, existentialists argue, comes into the world alone, travels through life as a separate person, and ultimately dies alone. Sartre believed in an epistemic loneliness in which loneliness is a fundamental part of the human condition because of the apparent paradox between the desire of man's consciousness to have meaning met with the isolation and nothingness of the universe.
I've often wondered whether the phenomenal success of Second Life is a reflection of our innate need to connect, the drive to abate the loneliness that is part of modern existence. Think about the bonds that we forge in SL with people that we have never met (and will probably never meet) face-to-face. So many of us spend countless hours online in order to connect with our SL friends. Isn't that evidence of our powerful need to avoid being alone, the biological imperative to fight back loneliness? And isn't the need to connect so powerful that sometimes we even neglect sleep or food just to be online? Think about it.
Coping with loneliness, accepting it, and learning how to direct our own lives with some degree of grace and satisfaction is the human condition. I cope with loneliness by writing and by connecting, through my words, with others.
How do you cope with loneliness?
ALONE
Dawn’s first light breaks through my bedroom window. Bathing the room in a multitude of hues, That chase away the night’s grey shadows. With eyes still clouded by my long slumber, I look around. I am alone.
Outside, snow continues to fall blanketing our playground. I turn to touch the pillow, Where you once rested your head, And we dreamed together. The pillow feels cold, I am alone.
I exhale a sigh and force my eyes to close. In my head a movie reels off, It is a Technicolor vision, Where we run through fields of sweet summer jasmine. When the movie ends, I am alone.
Time marches, In rhythm with the ticking of the clock. And as the hours turn into days, I search for you in all the places that we once shared, But you are not there. I am alone.
All the empty moments, That need filling. All the empty rooms, That need your laughter. The empty arms, That long to hold you.
Lately I seem to be in a Simon and Garfunkel “mood.” I have always loved the simple beauty of their lyrics but lately I have been going back, more often than usual, to their music to find comfort in these troubled times. Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel know how to weave words into a tapestry of sounds and melodies that surrounds me and soothes my soul.
Two of their songs, in particular, have been running through my head. One of the songs is Homeward Bound.
I wish I was, Homeward bound, Home where my thought's escaping, Home where my music's playing, Home where my love lies waiting Silently for me…
One of the interesting things about Second Life is how it has become “home” for so many of us. At least for me, SL has become more than a second life - it has become a second home where I come at the end of a busy day to spend time with dear friends.
Initially, it did not start out this way. I signed on to SL because I was eager to find out what all the talk was about. With no previous experience in an online role playing situation I had no idea, no clue really, what to expect. Very quickly I became "hooked" to Second Life. And just as quickly as I became attached to my so-called second life I also became quickly, and deeply, attached to people and things in SL.
That is the reason why the other day, while listening to Homeward Bound, I was not surprised to realize that for me the lyrics in Simon and Garfunkel song had come to refer not to an actual, physical place. Instead, as the song played on, the lyrics kept pulling me here, to SL.
Ev'ry day's an endless stream Of cigarettes and magazines. And each town looks the same to me, the movies and the factories And ev'ry stranger's face I see reminds me that I long to be, Homeward bound,
I don’t smoke cigarettes (never have, I am too cheap to burn my money away) and I don’t travel from town to town. But lately, whenever I look at strangers’ faces I am reminded of how much I long to return to SL, to be with my online friends and to visit the places that are now so familiar to me.
Have I really now gone too far down the rabbit’s hole? Have I forfeited my real life for life here, in SL? Time will only tell.
The other Simon and Garfunkel that I have been listening to quite a bit lately is I Am a Rock.
A winter’s day In a deep and dark December; I am alone, Gazing from my window to the streets below On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow. I am a rock, I am an island. I’ve built walls, A fortress deep and mighty, That none may penetrate. I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain. Its laughter and its loving I disdain. I am a rock, I am an island.
Second Life has now become one of most widely used Internet social networks. The reasons are easy to see. Unlike other Internet social networks, SL provides a rich graphical interface and, through the ability to shape our own unique on-line experience, we can transcend the limitations of text-only social networks.
The ability to create an avi that can be seen and touched by others has its own perils, however. Our in-world selves, our avis, are subject to the same range of human emotions, including heartbreak and loneliness, that our RL selves are subject to. As we live our in-world lives, our brains may tell us that we are mere pixels on a computer monitor. Our hearts, however, often disregard the signals coming from the brain and plunge headlong into the heights (and lows) of love.
What can we do to protect ourselves? Do we even want to protect ourselves? I don’t know - I don’t have the answers. Building walls around ourselves, or hiding behind a computer screen, may provide temporary protection. In the long run, however, we cannot hide forever behind the comfort provided by our SL avis. So what is the answer? Heck if I know!
I have my books And my poetry to protect me; I am shielded in my armor, Hiding in my room, safe within my womb. I touch no one and no one touches me. I am a rock, I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain; And an island never cries.
Here, for your visual and listening pleasure, are Simon and Garfunkel’s Homeward Bound and I Am a Rock – I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
Homeward Bound (from the historic 1967 Monterey, California concert)
I Am a Rock (I can't believe these guys were once so young and cute!)
One final note: Sunday was my best friend’s birthday. She has been my spiritual counselor, my sounding board, my advisor, my home’s designer and builder and my homeless shelter chief builder (the only builder really). She has listened to me when I was happy, flying as high as a kite and she has listened to me when I was so far down the dumps that bottom looked like “up.” We don’t always see eye to eye on everything; in fact on many issues we will NEVER see eye to eye. I call her a Dutch Bolshevik and she fires right back and calls me a spoiled America princess. I call her crazy and she calls me nuts. I call her my best friend in SL and she smiles, and tells me that I am her best friend too.
I call her love, I call her wise, and I call her kind and generous. I call her Yucca!
