YOU AND ME AGAINST THE WORLD

By Debbie Bulloch




The day I knew full well was coming has finally arrived. Tonight I came home from work and our house felt so big and empty without my daughter here. Of course, this is not the first time that she has been away from home. There have been school trips to Europe, school tours to visit colleges in the East Coast, trips up to Washington state and Oregon and this summer a brief surfing vacation to Costa Rica.

But every time that she was away in one of these trips I always knew that in a week or so she would be coming back home. This time, however, the feeling is different – my little girl is off to college; she is now on the road to becoming a woman. She will be returning home for Thanksgiving, for Christmas and for summer vacation but it will never be quite the same again. With each trip back to school, my little girl will be drifting further and further away from our little world.

This is the way of the world: my sweet child become a woman and leaves home, one day she will have a family of her own and then the day will come when her children, my grandchildren, will too leave home. It is an endless and unbroken chain that stretches all the way back to the day the first man and woman walked this Earth – and the chain will stretch into the future until the end of time.

Yesterday I went to visit her at school, on the pretext that I had forgotten to give her “something.” It was a poorly hidden pretext and she must have seen right through me. But like the good child that she is, she never let on that she knew that her poor mom was just looking for an excuse to see her one more time. She was gracious, we had lunch and then went shopping – just like when she was a little girl.

Today, after work I once again felt the temptation to call her and maybe even dropping by to see how things were going on her first day of classes. I, however, fought the “call of the mommy” and instead sent her a long e-mail telling her how proud I am of her. I think that my daughter needs me to be strong and supportive, not weak and weepy. She is already under a great deal of stress without my adding to it. Still…it is not easy to let go.

I have talked to other moms (and quite a few dads as well) and they all have reassured me that the first few weeks are the roughest. They are probably right, but in the meantime, the heart cannot help itself and so the tears flow – sometimes like a river.

If you see a little bit less of me in-world, I am OK. I am just trying to keep busy to help me get over the initial hump.

I want to thank all of you who have been so supportive following the death of SP’s mom and my daughter’s college entrance. Big hugs go out to all of you.

Helen Reddy - YOU AND ME AGAINST THE WORLD